When All I Can Do is Nothing

Well, I'm supposed to do my assignment while I'm typing on this site. It's not like I have a problem with the course, but I think moodboosting is something that I really need, now. It's really hard for me to face the reality that academic purposes come so fast, so does with counting down my seconds in college. This would be short, because next year I'll graduated (that's on my top ten wishlist).

Okay. Amin. That was first point I'd like to type.

And the next point is: before starting to type on the blank space, I've been surrounding by the thought of sadness. Why?

Today, I found my self was running out of smiling. Simply because tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and all I can do is nothing. In addition, tomorrow is also our 2nd anniversary. What makes me so blue? It should be fun and full of happiness if I could celebrate it with him. Reality? I couldn't.

It's very clear that last year I swam on my own tears on the day that I should be happy with his birthday and also our 1st anniversary. He was on the sea craft because of his job as a surveyor for about 2 months! That was a difficult one for me to face. Who doesn't want to celebrate their love's birthday and anniversary??? But there's nothing I can do, and that became the starting point I've been jumping on long-distance relationship. After that, I've been practicing to suit my self with this situation, because he was also working on the field for 1-3 months or in Jakarta for weeks. And yes, I have to be patient waiting him. With all the problems that happened, with all the existing longing.

I was hoping that the next chance would come, but it wouldn't.

He said that he would be on shore early in September, but then his project demands him to be in another project AND THAT MEANS HE WOULD SPEND MORE WEEKS OFFSHORE. He wouldn't make it, he wouldn't be here by my side to smile on our day. Another fact that I should realize, there's no chance for me to celebrate anything with him. He has missed his birthday, our anniversary, my birthday, two times of Ramadhan and Idul Fitri and also other moments in a row. Maybe I could count with my fingers how many times we had met for a year :(

I really hope we'll be able to spend more days and cherish the moments together, later.

*burst into tears*

After last night phone calling, he's unreachable (again!). The same praying I wish, hope he's okay wherever, whenever. Fortunately, yesterday we could have conversations on the phone for hours (with swollen eyes for sure). And all I know, it's a dilemma. I feel happy and sad at the same time T_T

*don't cry. don't cry.*