For you, my partner in love

According to 98°....

"You're my sunshine after the rain

You're the cure against my fear and my pain

'cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around

It's all because of you.."

And Nicki Minaj agrees that....

"Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away

Beating like a drum and it's coming your way

Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass

Yeah that's the super bass.."

In addition, Glenn Fredly hopes to...

"Take me to your place, where my heart belongs together

I will follow you, you're the reason that I breath..."

And Ten 2 Five knows how I can get there...

"I will fly into your arms and be with you till the end of time

Why are you so far away?

You know it's very hard for me to get my self close to you..."

When night comes, Aerosmith gives me insomnia...

"Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you baby..

And I don't want to miss a thing..."

They all know how to represent my feeling towards you, my partner in love :)

And now, I want to say....

Happy birthday baby, you're older, you're 24 years old, now.

There's so much pray from me, that I wish Allah's blessing makes them come true..

and I bet all my pray for you is a priceless birthday present for all time :D

You're the round to my bubble,

You're the blue to my sky,

You have found my wings that crumble,

You stick the glue and make it fly :)

Even now you're so far yet unreachable,

I can feel you here next to me.

and,

Happy 2nd anniversary...

Just promise me that you'll always be okay.

Just promise me that you'll always be my heart surveyor.

Sailing on the sea of love and mapping the happiness :)

*bunch of love*

When All I Can Do is Nothing

Well, I'm supposed to do my assignment while I'm typing on this site. It's not like I have a problem with the course, but I think moodboosting is something that I really need, now. It's really hard for me to face the reality that academic purposes come so fast, so does with counting down my seconds in college. This would be short, because next year I'll graduated (that's on my top ten wishlist).

Okay. Amin. That was first point I'd like to type.

And the next point is: before starting to type on the blank space, I've been surrounding by the thought of sadness. Why?

Today, I found my self was running out of smiling. Simply because tomorrow is my boyfriend's birthday and all I can do is nothing. In addition, tomorrow is also our 2nd anniversary. What makes me so blue? It should be fun and full of happiness if I could celebrate it with him. Reality? I couldn't.

It's very clear that last year I swam on my own tears on the day that I should be happy with his birthday and also our 1st anniversary. He was on the sea craft because of his job as a surveyor for about 2 months! That was a difficult one for me to face. Who doesn't want to celebrate their love's birthday and anniversary??? But there's nothing I can do, and that became the starting point I've been jumping on long-distance relationship. After that, I've been practicing to suit my self with this situation, because he was also working on the field for 1-3 months or in Jakarta for weeks. And yes, I have to be patient waiting him. With all the problems that happened, with all the existing longing.

I was hoping that the next chance would come, but it wouldn't.

He said that he would be on shore early in September, but then his project demands him to be in another project AND THAT MEANS HE WOULD SPEND MORE WEEKS OFFSHORE. He wouldn't make it, he wouldn't be here by my side to smile on our day. Another fact that I should realize, there's no chance for me to celebrate anything with him. He has missed his birthday, our anniversary, my birthday, two times of Ramadhan and Idul Fitri and also other moments in a row. Maybe I could count with my fingers how many times we had met for a year :(

I really hope we'll be able to spend more days and cherish the moments together, later.

*burst into tears*

After last night phone calling, he's unreachable (again!). The same praying I wish, hope he's okay wherever, whenever. Fortunately, yesterday we could have conversations on the phone for hours (with swollen eyes for sure). And all I know, it's a dilemma. I feel happy and sad at the same time T_T

*don't cry. don't cry.*

Once a Week

"....I always be here waiting for you to come back home

I keep our flowers grow, since we planted the seed many years ago

And I stare at the moon and hope we’ll meet there, hope we’ll meet there

‘cause I miss you

I wish you were here..

I know it’s hard for you to stay and so I let you go

But you promised to never let me down and said that you love me so

And I stare at the moon and hope we’ll meet there, hope we’ll meet there

‘cause I miss you..

I wish you were here...

Make your dreams fulfilled, and don’t forget to take me with you someday..."

♪Endah N Rhesa♫

So, I spent my whole day drying my tears, what about you? Maybe you'll think that I'm weak yet mushy. But hey.. this is what happening to you when you're on long-distance relationship and you don't get any message from your crush for about a week. I think it's quite fair, hehe.

Thanks God, today he got nearer the shore and provider signal became one of miracle that I've been waiting for... He said that was because the sea craft should resupply the food for the rest of the project. Oh my... there's no even one single bar signal rushed up when he was far from the shore! Not to mention the additional crazy-waves that makes him had a seasick for days :| So he asked my understanding for his condition that was unable to be reached.

Okay, that's accepted.

Why wouldn't I accept that condition? It's been happening more than once when he's on the surveying project this time. Last time I got his called was also a week ago. But on the previous projects, it's only about 1 to 3 days (the longest that I waited) he's off from the radar. So I've tried not to be worried but then I realize that I just pretended to be okay.

What should I do?

If I've once maintained my confusion towards this longing, it couldn't make him next to me in a sec. So... I keep praying that my thought and feeling for him in the pink.

Well.... I also want to apologize to him for what I felt when something crossed my mind.

You'll know when you're in a transcendental longing, you can't distinguish what you believe and what you don't. The reality is just too difficult to be marked off.

Tonight I also did something that I haven't done before, say a two-more-days happy birthday and anniversary xD it's just felt so weird having a conversation about praying each other for the day that symbolizes his life and also our relationship, but the day hasn't coming yet. It's a preventive action if the day after tomorrow he's unreachable (again!).

That was enough for tonight.. felt so weary and dizzy. Gotta sleep! Ciao!

Bayi yang Tak Punya Cukup Hak

Inilah kisah bayi yang tidak punya cukup hak untuk hidup bahagia, bahkan untuk mengucapkan salam perpisahan dengan ibunya.

Setelah hampir berusia dua tahunan, bayi yang pernah dilahirkan dan membanggakan ibunya itu memiliki cukup banyak orang yang menyukainya. Menggemaskan, katanya. Ya, walaupun tidak ada sesuatu yang sempurna. Tetapi, kehadirannya telah membuat orang-orang di sekitarnya bahagia. Ialah hal pertama yang dapat dipamerkan ibunya pada orang banyak.

Cukup lama bayi itu tumbuh dalam suatu rumah yang nyaman. Sayangnya, ibunya tak memiliki hak untuk merawat bayi tersebut. Suatu waktu, ayah bayi tersebut mencoba membuat kloningannya dan ternyata kloningan bayi itu jauh lebih menggemaskan, dan lebih mendekati apa yang disebut sempurna sesuai keinginan sang ayah...

Sang ibu yang tidak mengetahui bayinya telah dikloning, menyimpan baik-baik kenangan bersama si bayi di rumah yang terpisah. Sampai pada akhirnya, kenangan bersama si bayi pun menghilang dan berganti menjadi kenangan bersama si kloningan yang sama sekali belum pernah si ibu rasakan. Si bayi menghilang dari peradaban.. eksistensinya dihancurkan.

Emptiness

Welcome world! Where have I been? :D

Now, I am officially comeback to my blog. Poor my baby, I was busy in rushy with my college life and engaged with laziness to write something. I really want to take my writing habit back, could I?

#nowplaying Boyce Avenue - Keep Bleeding

Actually, there is no correlation between the song and this post. Listening to the acoustic makes me feel calm and warm... or maybe it is just because I feel empty.. here. *pointing at my heart*

I think that I am missing my evening hours with my family, and it feels like in a long rope I couldn't hang on. I miss bapak, mamah, and all the thing that I could get in home. It feels like Bandung is no longer homey.. when I really pretend that it is my only one town in the earth. Trying to deal with living separately with parents makes me suffering. If it is the way I should grow up, I am lonely without them. They are there, but I am the only one who makes this difficult to be dealt. I usually use the cliche reason about the activities outside college hours.

My parents have never avoided me to do what I want. But now I realize.. after I through these years in college, I know that being with them is priceless. When I meet bapak, it feels like I want to hug him for the whole day.. or forever. Even though I usually had a rough moment when we had to argue each other, but I know that he loves me. He trusts the way I'm far from him, he believes that I won't make him regret. He believe that I will always make him proud. And I cry.

When I'm doing my assignments in my boarding room, I really miss the way mamah looking after me. She usually made me something to eat while I was studying. She knows that I couldn't concentrate in studying when there is a noisy thing. Everybody in my house always respected. And now, I live alone and lonely. I couldn't be disturbed but this emptiness.

There's a hole in my days, and I unconsciously have dug it by time separated with them.

I have never taken breakfast anymore since I've been in college, for almost three years. It's not because I don't want it, but it's because of bustling with course lateness time. When I was in school, everyday mamah would cook in the morning so I could take my breakfast. Even though I had been in senior high, she always prepared it for me. She didn't want me passed the breakfast. And I really miss that moment.

Mamah, Bapak. Pia is missing you so much.

:'(